


First Man

by queencuba



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben is hella stressed over being a good dad, F/M, Soft Ben Solo, dad ben solo, shocker to no one but he's a GREAT dad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:08:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23813551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queencuba/pseuds/queencuba
Summary: Based on Camilla Cabello's "First Man."***Holding his daughter, the only thing Ben can think about is how desperately he wants to get this right for her. Did Anakin feel this way? This impossible heaviness of loving someone the way they deserve, the way you feel you never got? Ben's throat tightens. Did his father feel how he does now? With every hope and promise at the tip of his fingers eager to give to his child but the fear that they'll fall short? What if Ben isn't who is daughter wants or needs?But then, she opens her eyes and looks right him. Her eyes are his, dark brown and deep depths. Ben grins and the scariest thing about becoming a father is how he doesn't feel scared at all.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 10
Kudos: 41





	1. You held me so tight….you were the first man that really loved me

_ You held me so tight….you were the first man that really loved me.  _

Rey doesn’t have to tell him she’s pregnant. He’s making their morning pot of caf, the first light of the day seeping through the window blinds and basking their kitchen in a soft balance of orange and yellow. He feels a soft tug at the bond; smiling, he knows she’s awake. He pours her a cup only half full and fills the rest with milk. Rey would never readily admit it, but she hates the taste of caf, and Ben knows she much rather prefers the taste of sugar, so he puts some in her mug as well. He knows all there is to know about his wife, like how she wears socks to bed but always takes them off in her sleep. She keeps a book on her bedside table but never reads it. She prefers white towels to darker ones for wiping grease off her hands when working on the Falcon because it shows her hard work. He knows her force signature better than he knows his own name: a gentle hum, a soft orange, a fierce pull–it feels like cooling rain. 

He doesn’t need his eyes to see her, so when she walks into the kitchen begging for a desperately needed mug of caf, he’s surprised to feel something new. This isn’t a tug like their bond normally is, this feels strangely part of him, like the second  _ thump  _ in a heartbeat. Suddenly, he feels the beginnings of new energy and he stills, Rey’s mug in his outstretched hand. His face is slack, eyes on her flat stomach. 

“I feel it, too,” She whispers reverently. Her hand slowly moves to poke her stomach, as if to make sure she hadn’t imagined it. 

It happens again, like a soft pulse in the Force. Suddenly, they know; suddenly, there’s no doubts or questions. 

Eloquently, the first thing Ben says is, “Oh.” 

They haven’t moved but he can see Rey’s legs are shaking. He finds his legs and is moving to her, to hold her, kiss her lips and her stomach, more importantly, to tell her how happy he is. 

“Rey,” he looks at her with new eyes, like he’s never seen her before. The green in her eyes is more pronounced, the soft blush in her cheeks growing. “Rey,” he kisses her, “Rey. Rey. Rey.” He kisses her everywhere. 

She takes his face between her hands and immediately they’re both laughing and crying. She shakes her head with a chuckle. “I really don’t know what to say.”

Ben gives a watery laugh. “Yeah, me neither.” 

They hadn’t been trying, but they hadn’t been necessarily careful. One could say they’re healthily and quite frequently intimate; one could say their also reckless. 

Neither is ready for parenthood, this they are honest with each other about. She never had parents, and he….well he has complicated feelings about his own. His relationship with Leia is strong now, stronger because of the places it shattered, but he doesn’t feel that same resolve with his father, who he loves and who loves him all the same. The words left unsaid between him and Han Solo keep him up at night, now. He watches Rey sleep, her stomach swelling month by month. He rests a hand over his child and wants to promise he’ll be better, he’ll be worth it, he’ll be whatever they need him to be, but he’s not sure promises are enough. 

“You and I are going to nail this,” Rey runs a hand through his hair one night when she wakes and finds what he’s been doing every night for the last four months. “We’re going to get through this the same way we do everything else: together.” 

And they do. The months come closer together and there are no more distractions to be had about how to decorate the baby’s room and who will be guardians (they both unanimously agree to Poe and Finn, who have two boys of their own now), there is just waiting and Ben feels only peace. Peace and purpose. Their days are slow and patient, Leia and their friends quite the opposite, eager to welcome the new addition to this family that’s been built. They haven’t decided on a name, but there is one Ben keeps in the back of his mind. He doesn’t tell Rey, but it’s the only one that feels right. He’s not sure how to tell her. 

On a soft scrubbed morning much like the one when they found out about the pregnancy, Rey’s face contorts. She had lost the taste for caf all together by month three and had been drinking warm milk, her hand held gently in Ben’s as he reads on his datapad. Her other hand had been smoothing back and forth over her impossibly round stomach when it hardened painfully. She had gripped Ben’s hand so tightly, his gut reaction was to yank it away, but when he looked up and saw her doubled over her stomach and breathing out slowly, he knew. When the contraction passed, Rey smiled at Ben with tears in her eyes. They didn’t panic. They were ready. 

Ben sits behind Rey and supports her as she screams and pushes back into him. She shouts at the delivery doctor to stop telling her how good she’s doing and to shut up, which makes Ben laugh, truly laugh. His hands ache from Rey’s squeezing, but Ben is euphoric. When it’s time, Ben moves from behind Rey and he is the one to catch their daughter. His hands are bloody holding the crying, wiggling, much tinier than he ever could have imagined, baby girl. 

The Force seemed to sing, having never felt more balanced than when Rey was bringing their child into the galaxy. Which is why he tells her he knows the name of their daughter. 

“Ana,” he whispers, eyes trepidly on Rey, who is grinning with new tears in her eyes. “For–”

“–Anakin,” Rey nods. 

Ben looks down at his daughter, a sight he’s not accustomed to yet, and sees her hair is thick and beginning to curl; he smirks when he sees it’s near black. “I know we said we wouldn’t name her after anyone, but this feels right, this feels–”

“–Like balance,” Rey finishes. 

Holding his daughter, the only thing Ben can think about is how desperately he wants to get this right for her. Did Anakin feel this way? This impossible heaviness of loving someone the way they deserve, the way you feel you never got? Ben's throat tightens. Did his father feel how he does now? With every hope and promise at the tip of his fingers eager to give to his child but the fear that they'll fall short? What if Ben isn't who is daughter wants or needs? 

But then, she opens her eyes and looks right him. Her eyes are his, dark brown and deep depths. Ben grins and the scariest thing about becoming a father is how he doesn't feel scared at all. 

Later, when Leia visits, she wipes the fat tears that roll down her face when they say her granddaughter is named for her father she never got the chance to know. “He’s here with us,” she says softly, eyes not yet left Ana’s scrunched face. 

And he is. Faintly, Anakin’s force ghost watches his daughter, who he loved despite it all. He watches his grandson, who he had always been calling to. Now, Anakin knows Ben hears him when he says, “All is balanced now.” Anakin, for the first time, feels his life and legacy completed. 

Ben who tortured himself over the kind of father he wants to be and the promises he wants to make comes to realize that all he must promise his little girl is that he will always hold her, and he will always hold her tightly. 


	2. I know you’ll stay up late just waiting for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's an ancient act, staying up and waiting for your child to come back home to you. He thinks about his mother and he understands her in a way he never could have before: he'd wait forever for Ana, no matter what she did.

_ I know you’ll stay up late just waiting for me _

He watches his daughter run around the house, laughing with her sisters and ruffling her little brother’s hair. She’s looking for her shoes that her siblings have jokingly hidden. Ben Solo painfully wonders where the last fifteen years went. 

“Maybe it’s a sign you shouldn’t go,” he tries to say, but his voice hitches in his throat. 

Ana, cheeks flushed and dark curls like his own looks up grinning from under the couch. She has her mother’s eyes. “What was that, Dad?” 

He shakes his head. “I said, have you looked behind the bookshelf?” 

His son spins around with a deep frown on his face that looks just like Rey’s. “Traitor!” 

Ben leans against the wall and watches his children. His arms crossed across his chest that is certainly beginning to hurt from the sight of his children who were only just babies, weren’t they? They’re growing too fast, are eager to see the galaxy that waits for them. But, his face softens and he smiles at his laughing kids who poke fun at each other, who love each other fiercely, who have everything he didn’t. He uncrosses his arms; not all hurt is that bad sort. 

“I heard you,” Rey says softly, coming up from behind and wrapping her arms around him. She reaches up and places a kiss on his neck. “It’s just a date, Ben.”

Ben grumbles, which makes Rey chuckle. She rubs his arms and gives him a playful smack on his ass to cheer him up. It only does just a little. 

“What? Are you afraid he’s going to sweep her off her feet and carry her away in his ship?” Rey laughs at Ben’s expression. “Or are you more afraid that she’ll do the sweeping? Because she is certainly her father’s daughter.”

“Found them!” Ana shouts, holding up her heels. She sticks her tongue out at her siblings and shoves them on her feet. 

Rey presses a kiss on Ben’s cheek, lingering for a moment and relishing in the quiet hum of their Force-bond. His hand finds hers and he gives it a squeeze. Ana, with her long dark curls and wide hazel eyes, looks more grown in this moment then he’s ever seen her. There’s a warmth of pride in his chest, but an icy twinge of sadness that she’s not his baby anymore. Rey leans down to whisper something into Ana’s ear and whatever Rey said makes Ana cackle with laughter. 

Her date is a young kid who Ben recognizes from the pilot’s training academy, Kol Gentry. He shows up on a speeder-bike and Rey must feel Ben bristling because she’s next to him and holding his hand. Kol never gets off to say hello, he sits and he waves once. 

“Bye!” Ana sings, her face alight and blushing. 

Rey kisses her on the cheek again, and before Ana can run off with some boy Ben doesn’t approve of yet, he grabs her hand. He pulls his daughter into his arms and holds her tightly. He wants to tell her something, but he’s not sure there’s anything to say. She has to figure this out herself, no matter if Ben can sense waves of red flags from this kid. Ben resigns himself from control; he can only hold on tight and then let her go. 

They eat dinner and Ben loves that their table is always loud. His kids are quick to laugh and are too witty for their own good. He doesn’t know where they get this sense of humor from–certainly not him. Ana’s empty seat next to him is gaping though, but he tries not to focus too much on it, neither does he try to focus on what she’s doing. 

The kids go to bed and the house grows quiet. Rey kisses him on the cheek and tells him she’s going to bed, too. He nods, but he stays on the couch, trying to read on his datapad but he’s been stuck on the same sentence. He waits and waits and waits, knowing he cannot go to sleep until he has his daughter back under his roof. He checks the time. It’s later than late, but Rey and Ben hadn’t set a curfew. He regrets that now. Finally, headlights flash through the house and there is the soft purr of a speeder. There’s giggling, silence, more giggling, and Ben doesn’t want to invade his daughter’s privacy, so he refrains from reaching out with the Force. The front door opens and he hears the soft clacks of Ana’s heals. Ben sets the datapad down and that is when she sees him. 

“How was it?” He asks, crossing one leg over the other. She looks scared so he smiles. 

Ana grins breathlessly. “Really fun. Thanks for letting me go. Goodnight, Dad.” 

Ben smiles after his daughter, watching her go up the stairs and into her room. He stands slowly and feels his age in his bones for a moment. He makes sure all the doors and windows are locked, kicks a few shoes out of the way, and heads to Rey and their bed. He wraps an arm around her waist and brings her to his chest. 

Rey sighs, content. She grabs his hand and brings it under her chin. “How’s our girl?”

Ben closes his eyes. “Says she had fun.”

Rey makes a sound.

“What?” Ben asks. 

“I always thought her first date would be with Travis,” Rey shrugs and turns around. 

Ben’s eyes rip open. “Travis?” Ben exclaims in shock. “As in Travis  _ Dameron? _ Finn and Poe’s  _ son?”  _

Rey snuggles deeper into him. Ben doesn’t sleep.

Ana dates Kol for six months, and every date Ben waits up for her. She comes home, breathless and giggling, and he waits until he hears her bedroom door close until he goes to sleep. It's an ancient act, staying up and waiting for your child to come back home to you. He thinks about his mother and he understands her in a way he never could have before: he'd wait forever for Ana, no matter what she did. 

One night Ana storms through the door and slams it shut. Ben has waited up for her every night: she says she had a good time, she says goodnight with a wave, and happily stomps up the stairs into her room. Tonight, she runs to his open arms and cries into his chest. He’s absolutely panicked and wants to pummel Kol, but when Ana falls into his lap, Ben can only think about holding onto her. 

“I thought he loved me,” Ana cries weakly and it shatters Ben’s heart. 

He grips her and kisses her head. “I know, sweetheart.” After a while, when her tears have stopped and she’s only hiccuping, Ben asks, “Are you okay?”

Ana nods. “I am now.” She looks up, her eyes red and he’s always thought she had Rey’s eyes, but now they look like mirrors of his own. “Thank you for always waiting up for me, Daddy.” 

He kisses the top of her head and a sudden thought that feels intrusive to him comes.  _ Had his parents waited up for him? Had they mulled over the pain of not having their son nearby for them to see, to keep from harm’s way?  _ Of course, they did, he knows without doubt they did, but that makes it hurt more and he’s not sure if this is the good sort of hurt or the worst. Maybe it’s somewhere in between, maybe it’s balance. 

“Always, Kid,” he promises. 

“I love you, Dad,” Ana’s voice is soft, barely above a whisper. She stands and Ben is proud to see himself in her the straight line of her shoulders. 

He suddenly feels a tightness around him, like an arm strung along his shoulders with a firm clutch. He smells the bitterness of strong caf and tobacco. He almost sobs. 

_ Always, Kid.  _

And Ben believes it because Han Solo has never lied to his son. There’s so much he wants to say to his father, but he knows what Han would say. 

Ben smiles at his daughter, stringing an arm along her shoulders. “I know.”


	3. No, I don't need a jacket, it's not that cold tonight, and you worry I get it, but he's waiting outside.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana turns around, her hands coming up to her arms. Ben smiles knowingly and gives her the jacket he grabbed for her. She rolls her eyes but crashes into him. Ben holds her tightly and then lets her go. It makes Ben’s heart shatter, to watch her leave so eagerly. A good hurt, he knows but then he thinks how his own parents never got to witness their son fall in love, or how Leia’s parents never got that same chance. He doesn’t know much about his father’s family but he guesses that Ben’s children are the first in the tragedies of the Skywalker’s to have their parents the way they do. 

_ No, I don't need a jacket, it's not that cold tonight, and you worry I get it, but he's waiting outside.  _

Ben notices Ana and Travis walking along the edge of the Dameron’s fence. Their fingers brush against each other and they both blush while moving their hands away. The Solo’s and Dameron’s have always been close, their kids grew up together and were the best of friends. Finn and Poe’s eldest son, Travis, was only three years older than Ana, and Ben never thought to look for a budding romance. Apparently he was the only one who hadn’t seen it. 

Travis gets tagged by his youngest brother, and Ben watches as the boy’s eyes crinkle with mirth as he chases after Ana. He gets her, spins her around, and Ben is reminded of something Rey had said:  _ “What? Are you afraid he’s going to sweep her off her feet and carry her away in his ship?” Rey laughs at Ben’s expression. “Or are you more afraid that she’ll do the sweeping? Because she is certainly her father’s daughter.” _

“Shit,” he says, looking at Rey, Poe, and Finn. 

Poe nods and flips whatever he’s cooking. He takes a swing from his drink and Ben copies. “Yeah, don’t know how you never saw that.” 

“Dez!” Finn shouts to another one of his and Poe’s sons. “Stop hitting with the branches and pretending they’re lightsabers!” He then turns around smiling. “Rey and I have suspected since they were kids.”

“You have suspected nothing,” Poe argues. “She dated Kol last year, remember?”

Rey shuddered. “How could we forget? He was awful to her at the end.” 

Ben grimaced but said nothing. He didn’t want to say, but he was beginning to think Poe was wrong. Behind them, where the kids played and tagged, Travis and Ana kept their distance. They had always been close friends, but Ben now sees a familiar look in their eyes that wasn’t there before. 

“And it broke his heart,” Finn points out, his eyes on their eldest kids now, too. “He’s loved her forever.” 

Travis nervously rubs the back of his neck when he steps closer to Ana. She’s seventeen now, but she still feels like his baby. Ben turns around and gives them one less set of prying eyes. 

It takes them three months until Travis and Ana finally go on their first date. Ben expected her to be nervous and anxious, but there is an air of relaxation, of ease to her. He’s not sure if that unsettles him or not, but he supposes it’s not truly up to him. 

“Are you sure you don’t want your jacket?” Ben presses and Ana rolls her eyes. They’re sitting on the couch, waiting for Travis to pick her up. The rest of his kids aren’t crowding around and making Ana the butt of their jokes. They’ve known Travis their entire lives and haven’t quite wrapped their minds around the concept of their lifelong friend dating their eldest sister.

Ana pats his hand. “No, Dad. Stop worrying. It’s just Travis.” 

But it’s not, Ben thinks. He is sure that Travis is not just Travis, just as he was sure Rey was not just Rey. 

There is a knock on the door and Ana stands, giddy and smiling. At the door, Travis shakes Ben’s hand with a wide smile. “Mr. Solo,” he says, and Ben smirks.

“Don’t be weird, kid,” Ben claps him on the shoulder. 

Travis clears his throat. “Sorry, Ben.” 

Ana grins at Travis and they both seem to glow in the way young kids with everything just at their fingertips do. The world is exciting and tangible, undiscovered and electric, with all the time in the galaxy to figure out what it all means between them. 

Ana turns around, her hands coming up to her arms. Ben smiles knowingly and gives her the jacket he grabbed for her. She rolls her eyes but crashes into him. Ben holds her tightly and then lets her go. It makes Ben’s heart shatter, to watch her leave so eagerly.  _ A good hurt,  _ he knows but then he thinks how his own parents never got to witness their son fall in love, or how Leia’s parents never got that same chance. He doesn’t know much about his father’s family but he guesses that Ben’s children are the first in the tragedies of the Skywalker’s to have their parents the way they do. 

“You’re lost in your head again,” Rey states, but her eyes have a mist to them and he knows that whatever thoughts she picked from him in their Force-bond, she had been thinking them, too. “We’re lucky,” Rey reaches for his hand. “I feel like the luckiest person in the galaxy to have them.”

Ben disagrees. “That’s me.” He squeezes her hand. “I never deserved any of this, not you or the kids.” He takes a moment to look around at the house he and Rey and built. The literal brick and mortar they stacked and nailed by hand together, and the home–the four kids they have and each other. It’s more than he can bear, but he bear’s it because there are much heavier things in the galaxy. 

Rey adamantly shakes her head. “I took your hand all those years ago for a reason, Ben.” She leans her head on him. “I saw all of this when I saw your future. I didn’t see the exacts or the children, but I saw the light I see now, the balance and the peace. Ben Solo deserves this life and Kylo Ren deserved to be put to rest once and for all.”

Ben is stunned. “How do you always know what to say?” He chuckles, but Rey only shrugs. 

Later that night when Ana comes back home, she is not surprised to see Ben on the couch with the tableside lamp on, his datapad open. She waves to him, knowing he’d be there. 

“Thanks for remembering my jacket,” she says, halfway up the stairs. “You always seem to know when I’ll need it.” 

Two years later, Travis and Ana, whose names are beginning to sound like one, said they wanted to explore some surrounding planets. Ben asked questions, gave curt nods, but didn’t take the two serious until they were packing up the Millennium Falcon. He didn’t think they’d actually leave. 

But they are, and they’re packing up a ship with too many bags. Bags that say they’ll be gone for a long period of time. 

“Oh shit,” Ben gushes, wind knocked out his chest watching Travis and Ana load their ship. 

Poe nods beside him. “Yeah.” 

It feels good to know that Ben is not the only one misted about them leaving. Poe stands straight shouldered next to him and Ben knows that Poe isn’t ready either. Rey and Finn excitedly give last-minute suggestions to Travis and Ana, who nod but look impatient to leave. 

The good-byes are too quick, too quick, but when the galaxy is this within reach for the first time like it is for Travis and Ana, there’s no need to wait. Rey has Ana in a vice grip, and Ben sees a slight tremor in Rey’s arms. She kisses Ana all over her face, her last wishes are a plead to enjoy every second of it all. Then Ana is crushed into his chest and her arms are squeezing him. Ben holds her just as tightly and he doesn’t know how he’s going to let her go, but he does. He must. He realizes that children are not meant for holding, not forever, but for releasing and that this is the greatest gift and lesson he could give his daughter. 

“Go,” Ben kisses the top of her head, “but don’t forget this.” He hands her the jacket she’s always forgetting, and for a moment she’s his baby girl again who needs her dad to remember the things she won’t. 

Ana laughs and she sniffs away the beginnings of tears. “I won’t need it, Daddy.” 

Ben goodheartedly rolls his eyes and then gives her one last embrace. She climbs the ramp with a run and doesn’t look back. Ana still feels like his baby, his tiny tiny baby not ready for the galaxy. 

_ You’re never going to be.  _

Ben’s eyes close and the breeze picks up. He knows his mother’s Force presence better than any other. There are a lot of reasons why that could be, but he doesn’t waste the time trying to ask. For the moment he has, he relishes in the company and comfort of his mother and wonders if children, no matter how old they get, will ever stop needing their parents. The thought is a comfort. Ben knows Ana will need him, will call for him, and he’ll always be waiting up for her. 

Ben, Rey, Finn, and Poe watch their kids take off and disappear into the sky, into the waiting galaxy. They are all quiet, pondering on their own thoughts until Poe breaks the silence. 

“I feel old.” 

They all laugh and walk back to the Solo house. They don’t fly off to other planets or go on neck-breaking missions anymore, and for a moment Ben misses it, how good it felt to fight on the light side for the first time, to fight for Rey,  _ with  _ Rey. He wants to lean back into the feelings of regret that surface, but Rey takes his hand, and Poe–who has surprisingly become a good friend to him–claps him on the shoulder. 

Later that night, Ben waits up. Unnecessarily, he knows, but it’s become a sacred habit to him. His eyes keep darting from the door he knows Ana won’t stomp through at any moment and then to anything else around him to as a distraction. He’s about to shut all the lights off and go to bed, but a call rings on his datapad. 

He answers and then he’s looking at Ana’s smiling face. “I thought you’d be up,” she says, smirking. 

“You’re okay?” His question, she knows, is deeper than asking if she’s having fun. He sees Ana’s face soften, her eyes dart to somewhere beyond the screen.

Ana nods. “Yeah,” she grins and she looks just like her mother. “I know it’s late, but I just wanted to say give another kiss to Mom for me and don’t let Rain boss the others around too much, I know she thinks she’s the oldest now but the others are sensitive.” Ana begins to ramble and the skin between her brow starts to wrinkle in worry. 

He knows she’s scared. He felt the same way when he left home for the first time. “Ana,” he says over to grab her attention. She looks up, sheepish and he smiles softly at her. “It’s going to be okay.” 

She nods, and he realizes for the first time she’s wearing the jacket he gave right before she left. 

He hears Travis say something, but he can’t make out what. It makes Ana laugh, though and she’s looking back at Ben and he knows she’s ready. 

“I love you, Dad, and you don’t have to wait up for me this time.”

Ben’s heart constricts. He knows she’s not a baby anymore. “I know.”


	4. I swear on my heart that he's a good man. I know you'll stay up late just waiting for me. You held me so tight, now someone else can.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letting go, Ben thinks, is the hardest part of being a parent. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my favorite chapter to write <3

_ I swear on my heart that he's a good man. I know you'll stay up late just waiting for me. You held me so tight, now someone else can _ _.  _

The families were together for a summer evening meal, and Ben never says it aloud, but he loves nights like these. He watches his kids play with the Dameron boys, their best friends. He didn’t have many other kids his age around when he was growing up; he’s glad his kids do. 

He spots Ana and Travis walking hand in hand, their arms swinging between them. Travis says something that makes Ana laugh–a screeching, belly grabbing laugh. Travis looks helplessly in love. 

“I’m glad he makes her laugh.” Rey wraps an arm around his waist and leans her head against him. There is a faint smile on her lips as she watches their daughter with Travis. “She’s too serious for her own good sometimes.”

Ben chuckles. “And why do I feel that was a direct jab at me?”

Rey’s nose scrunches as she grins, her finger digging into his dimple. “She’s somber, my beloved husband, like her father before her. She needs someone who can pull her back.”

“She doesn’t need us anymore,” Ben says softly, a heaviness weighing on him, a grief. 

“No,” she agrees, a soft smile on her face. “But, she’ll always want us.” Rey leans up and gathers Ben’s face in her hands. “We raised her well.” She kisses him long and good until their younger kids beg for them to stop.

Later, after dinner, Travis sheepishly approaches Ben and Poe playing cards in the now quiet backyard. They look up from their playing cards when Travis clears his throat and the poor kid’s face looks like it wants to explode. 

Poe’s brows scrunch. “Everything okay, son?” 

Travis nods, perhaps too quickly and too excitedly. “Yeah,” his voice cracks and he clears his throat again. “Yeah.”

Poe hangs his head and coughs to cover his laugh. He hugs his son as he stands and kisses his cheek. “I’ll let you two talk.” 

Ben catches the knowing look on Poe’s face as he leaves his son with Ben. Travis’s leg bounces once he takes Poe’s seat and his face has a sweaty sheen. He keeps puffing out breaths of air and Ben wants to roll his eyes and crack a painfully accurate joke at Travis’s expense, but there is a determination in the kid’s eyes.  _ Not a kid anymore,  _ Ben thinks. He’s not sure when it happened, but Travis’s awkward nature turned to confidence, he’s matured into a damn good pilot and handles responsibilities better than anyone his age in the Resistance. Ben feels he knows where this is going, so his patience with Travis is more for Ben then for him. Ben needs to gather himself before Travis asks what he needs to ask. 

Travis opens his mouth to say something but then shakes his head. He takes a deep breath and slowly leans back into his chair. He blinks up at the dark sky full of stars and says, “Did you know you’re one of my earliest memories?”

Ben sits up straight, taken aback. This certainly isn’t what he was expecting. 

“I hardly have any memories of my life before my dads,” Travis’s voice is clear and strong, the nervousness abated. There is a sereness to him now. “I can barely remember meeting them. People think that’s something an abandoned kid would want to remember, meeting their parents for the first time, but I didn’t want to remember the life I had without my dads in it, but….” Travis stalls, his eyes on Ben. “....I do remember meeting you right after my dads adopted me.” 

Ben tries to help it, but he can’t stop his eyes from widening. Of course, Ben remembers the rainy day, too, but Travis had been so young. 

“It was raining, and I was terrified because I hated the rain. The planet I’m from, all it does is rain and I only associate terrible things with it. It was one of my first days with my dads and of course, I knew no one. It was pouring the day they introduced me to you and Rey. I was terrified. So many new people and the only ones I trusted were my dads, the only ones I trusted for the first time in my life. I remember clinging to my dad Poe’s leg, just barely peaking around to actually say hello to you and Rey.”

Travis smiles at the memory. He even laughs. 

“And then I gave you a muffin,” Ben says, recalling the day. 

Travis nodded. “And then you gave me a muffin. That’s all you did, too. You didn’t say anything else, didn’t ask anything of me. You just gave me a nod and the muffin.” Travis laughs again and shakes his head. “I immediately liked you.”

Travis takes a long look at Ben. “I know you have a… complicated past. None of that mattered to me, as a kid. I just knew you as the guy who gave me a muffin and then later even allowed me to swing from his arms. Other than my dads, you were the first person in my life I ever liked.” 

Ben doesn’t realize until he exhales with a loud puff of air that he had been holding his breath. He’s never taken a compliment well, especially not one of this nature. He truly doesn’t know what to say; there are no words for this. Ben had spent so long hating himself he didn’t realize that there was a kid who had admired him all along, not because of the things he could do with the Force, or how well he wielded a lightsaber, but because of a small kindness. A small kindness that had been hugely significant to this kid, now a man, who he knew loved his daughter fiercely. Ben laughs to himself. How funny things work out, in the end. 

Travis continues. “I won’t ask for your permission. Frankly, I don’t need it. Most importantly, Ana doesn’t need it. But, I respect you, Mr. Solo. I always have. And, I’ve always loved your daughter. I want to marry her if she’ll have me.” Travis suddenly gets a frightened look on his face at the prospect of having to ask Ana, of potentially being turned away by her. She frightens him, Ben can see, and he feels pride swell in his chest. He feels pride for Travis, too. Poe and Finn raised good boys who have turned to great men. 

Travis’s legs start to bounce again, waiting for Ben’s response. He doesn’t know what to say. What does a father say to the man who wants to marry his daughter? Who Ben has to trust with Ana? He thinks about what his father would say and it gives him comfort.

“Well go then, Kid,” Ben says in the most Han Solo way he can muster and jerks his head to the side. “Don’t sit here talking to me, go get the girl.”

Travis takes off, grinning in such a way that Ben has never seen before. Ben looks down at his hands and remembers how Ana had fit just into his palms as a baby. Letting go, Ben thinks, is the hardest part of being a parent. 


End file.
